Smart Personal Development

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“[M]an, who has no automatic values, has no automatic sense of self-esteem and must earn it by shaping his soul in the image of his moral ideal.”
-Ayn Rand

Depression is on the rise. Self-worth is on its way out. Over 15% of people in developed countries are clinically depressed. People lack confidence in a manner that is simply shocking. We’re in the middle of a psychological crisis.

The Self-Esteem Crisis

So what’s the cause of this? Why are people so down about themselves? Here are some theories (that I disagree with) that are incredibly popular but fall short of the truth of the matter:

• It’s Just a Disease. While doing research for for the topic, I was alarmed to discover that low self-esteem is considered a disease. Coping.com argues that “Low self-esteem meets the criteria for an illness or disease.” Their reasoning was that low self-esteem wasn’t controllable, is “contagious” and often leads to death. At least they got the last part right.

• Not Enough Acceptance. One of the best “wrong” answers for the cause of low self-esteem is the lack of acceptance. If others don’t love you, your own understanding of self-worth goes down. This is true, in a sense, but it’s wrong-headed in its nature.

• Negative Thoughts. This is, by far, the biggest argument you can find in the self-improvement blogosphere. Negative thoughts are seen as the cause of all negative actions, negative consequences and negative facts. If you want more self-esteem, just think happy thoughts — your problems will be solved.

• It’s Uncaused. By far the most bizarre, millions believe that self-esteem isn’t caused. It’s just a simple choice that people make. “Hold your head up,” they say, thinking that the self-esteem crisis is just randomly caused, without any external cause.

So are these the causes of low self-esteem? Is it a disease, or is it caused by not being accepted, or negative thoughts? Or is it just self-induced by brute choice? Not a chance. Each of these “causes” are simply wrong.

The Flaws of The So-Called “Causes”

• The “Disease” Myth: This is just a play on words. It’s still “curable” by self-determination, and it’s not spread by germs. By giving it scary labels like “disease” we do nothing but encourage it, implying that there’s nothing one can do to boost one’s self-esteem. “It’s not your fault” is no way to handle personal development; honesty and responsibility are.

• The “Acceptance” Myth: In my experience, those who are literally spoiled with love end up with the least amount of self-esteem. Being loved doesn’t mean that you will love yourself. That’s just a “feel-good” logical leap.

• The “Negative” Myth: Thinking positive thoughts simply masks the underlying problem: viewing oneself to be negative on some level. One can’t force happiness, one must create happiness. Telling a slave to just “think happy thoughts” is no way to let him taste freedom. To be free you must break your chains.

• The “Uncause” Myth: Of course low self-esteem is caused by the person feeling it. The only question is … what caused them to view themselves in that light? Once again, this is a superficial view of a deep-rooted psychological flaw.

Unfortunately for millions of people, the above answers are simply wrong. To understand the real heart of low self-esteem, we have to shoot back to the basics. Why do people even function? Why do we live the way we do? Why do we make any decisions?

It’s All About Values

One of the things you’ll hear me say over and over here is that everyone acts to achieve their values. In other words, you do something because you want to achieve some lofty idea…period. You watch TV because you value entertainment/news/weather. You go to the gym because you value exercise. You buy ice cream because, well, you like ice cream. You vote because you have some sort of political or social values. It’s impossible to not make a decision without trying to achieve some sort of value.

Believe it or not, that’s a type of mini-philosophy. You have a goal, a system of thought and you work to make decisions to achieve that goal. That’s a philosophy, and everyone has one. Human beings simply aren’t equipped to function without some sort of philosophical compass. It’s just impossible.

Self Esteem and Self Value

If everyone was honest, they would admit that they hate some ideas or -heaven forbid!- some people. (Note: I’m using the word “hatred” very loosely here.) I won’t be discussing the ethics of hatred now, but talking about hate is ironically a great way to see what someone actually loves. Example: people hate cliches because they love originality. Though a bit obvious, looking at what we hate is an easy way of seeing what we love.

Low self-esteem is no different. It means that there is a lack of self-respect, a lack of self-confidence, and a lack of self-acceptance. There is a reason for this. Low self-esteem doesn’t just happen. Low self-esteem is not caused by germs. Low self-esteem is not necessarily because others don’t like us. Low self-esteem is not because we aren’t thinking happy thoughts. One’s lack of self-esteem shows what one values.

To understand the cause even more, think back to the concept we call “guilt.” Guilt is when we feel as though we have cheapened ourselves through an immoral action. It’s an automatic response to violating our own real value code. If you actually value honesty, lying will cause guilt.

In other words, we see ourselves through the lens of our values, just like we view everything else. We give ourselves self-value or “self-esteem” only on the basis to how well we achieve our own values. That’s just the way the human mind functions.

Self-esteem goes to a deep-yet-basic level. Low self-esteem simply means that one does not live up to one’s own standards. The standards might not even be conscious; the standards might be subconscious beliefs and codes that one has set for oneself without realizing.

How to Build Self-Esteem

There is no “happy” or easy solution to solving low self-esteem on any real level. It takes work, guts, responsibility and rationality. Rather than being “content” with who you are, you must either lower your values or live up to them. Lowering one’s values is outrageously difficult — “completely” lowering them might be impossible.

Boosting self esteem requires that you use reason to recognize if your values contradict. Do you value selfishness and selflessness at the same time? Do you want to have more … and want be content with less? Do you value honesty, but also social acceptance — to the level that you’d willingly “alter” your personality to please others?

Any of these conflicts, plus a myriad of others, leads to a value code that isn’t achieved. Whether you consciously realize the conflict or not, your subconscious mind knows that something is amiss. Your self-analysis will be honest on at least some level, destroying your internal dignity and lowering your self-esteem.

Who are you? What ideas do you think you represent? What kind of life do you want to live? If you couldn’t fail, what would you try? Go out and be that person. Life is all about achieving your life purpose. Your life purpose — the fundamental value(s) that you live for — is the most important thing you can ever know and achieve.

You can’t build legitimate self-esteem by pepping yourself up. You can’t build legitimate self-esteem by pretending that things are better than they are (out-of-control optimism). To have a “deep fix,” just read the tips below.

6 Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem

The following methods for boosting self-esteem are written for someone struggling with self-esteem. Don’t take offense — they are given with tough love. I value those who suffer from low self-esteem far too much to give them an answer that will only make them feel better for a few minutes. Your goal shouldn’t be to stop hating yourself; your goal should be for your to be your own hero. Heroic living is too sacred to leave to storybooks.

• Have value-integrity. Stop caring what others think. This takes practice and will probably be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Train yourself to become a type of social-Buddhist, detaching your own self-esteem to the whim of others. This is the first, hardest step to achieving self-pride.

• Accept responsibility. This is, on some level, your fault. It is painful to accept, but it’s true. Recognize that you and only you are responsible for your own self-perspective. How you view yourself is how you view yourself.

• Seek the truth at all costs. Reality is a brutal, tough yet concrete place. It exists, regardless of how we feel about its existence. This means that to accomplish any great thing, you must understand how reality functions. Make sure you look for the truth — even if it hurts. This is the first step to all self-improvement.

• Don’t abandon your mind. The only way to understand the truth is through reason. Make sure your values don’t contradict. Make sure your actions don’t contradict. When you start looking for contradictions, you’ll find them. Ask an honest friend what your biggest hypocrisy/flaws are. Rationally consider them, and make the right choice.

• Live up to your values. The fundamental principle for viewing yourself as valuable is to live up to your values. Discover what you believe a human being should be like, then become that human being. Achieving what you value is the only way to a guaranteed rationally high level of self-esteem.

• Do something almost impossible. The long-term satisfaction of doing something few people can do is outrageously powerful. It’s a rational sense of pride; one that can’t be shaken for years. Find some sort of competition or skill that you can master — then master it. This might take years, but it’s worth it.

Last Thoughts

Remember that there is no “easy” answer or “quick fix.” Like most things worth doing, it takes time and an outrageously huge amount of work. But it’s worth it. Rationally analyze yourself, your values and how you can achieve them. Now achieve them.

What are some other tips for beating low self-esteem? Have you had any experience with it?

George W. Bush, John McCain, Sarah Palin, Joe Biden and Barack Obama all agree that more government is necessary to correct the already highly-regulated financial industry. They’ve agreed to spend a little under a trillion dollars, regardless of the vast amount of public outcry; Washington and the financial industry are scared silly.

During such an emotional time, it’s easy for us to lose our minds. That’s the worst thing you can do. When it comes to money, your best bet is to rely on your mind through reason and rationality. Using fear in this situation will do nothing but force you along a path of seeing your fears realized — losing your shirt.

And most importantly, don’t dump the money out of your investments because they took a dip. Don’t even do it if you think we’re about to see a 5-10 year “depression” — read below for the reasons.

Look Who’s Buying

Warren Buffet just came out and bought a 5 billion dollar stake in the financial firm Goldman Sachs. That’s five billion dollars he spent buying into the system that other are scrambling to leave.

His investing philosophy is nothing but the most basic, common sense: buy low. Buy a deal. When you see a deal, buy it. If it doesn’t surge in within 12 months, it will within 24. Just make sure you’re buying into a good company that will weather the storm, and you’re good to go.

Unfortunately, most people are completely ignoring what the money mogul is doing, and are just acting on the hype of the media. Whatever you do, remember: the media’s income SOARS during financial rough times. They eat crisis for breakfast. They love it when we become frightened and are glued to the TV sets. There’s a reason they’re encouraging pandemonium.

But to the point: if Buffet is doing it, that’s at least a little evidence that there’s some justification for it rooted in long-forgotten common sense. Of course, you shouldn’t blindly follow Buffet, as brilliant as he might be. The actual justification is found below.

Selling Now Messes Everything Up

If you sell now, you’re guaranteeing that you lose money. That’s a promise. If Wall Street recovers, you’ll have your money back. Pulling out now means you can’t. This means you are giving yourself a 100% guarantee that you’ve lost during the crisis. That’s not a guarantee anyone can afford.

And your actions won’t just impact you. No, there’s even more of an impact: the economy gets weaker.

The market gets weaker the more people focus on selling as opposed to buying. Demand drops. Prices drop even more. Value plummets. It’s the old bank-scare — fear literally carves it’s deathly way through the finances of an entire institution, or, in this situation, the nation.

On the other hand, the cheap stocks can help you — but not if you are the one making them cheap. Read below for the why factor.

Don’t Let Current Value Matter

Remember, current value of your stocks don’t matter unless you’re a day trader. Do you buy and sell every day? Are you focusing purely on the short-game? If you’re looking for money in the long-haul, then bailing yourself out now is the worst thing you can possibly do.

Remember, the value of your stocks ONLY impacts your lifestyle when you sell them or when you receive money from them. That’s it. Period. For example:

John buys $10,000 in stocks in Potatoes Inc on a Monday. On Tuesday, the stock market takes a 30% dip. John looks concerned. Five years later, though, the economy is fine, and John finally cashes his stocks in. He had to wait 5 years. But, he didn’t lose his $3,000 that he would have if he’d jumped ship.

Also, he had no negative impacts at all. It was like nothing happened in terms of his lifestyle. Why? Because the value of those stocks didn’t matter when they were low, because he agreed to not sell out of fear. They didn’t matter because he decided to wait — even if it would be a few years. John refused to allow fear to cheat him out of his retirement.

Values WILL Come Back

Wall Street will recover. It might take a year, it might take two — it might even take a decade. If Civilization doesn’t collapse back into Stone Age 2, then Wall Street WILL come back. This means that, if you diversified, you should be just fine. You just have to wait. Patience is a virtue.

During the Great Depression, some people got rich. Read that again — the history books never mention this. Some saw that stock values collapsed, so they took their money from elsewhere, picked companies that would come back after the depression, and put their money in them. They became filthy rich. And you can do the exact same thing.

Want to see a real-life example? We’ve already talked about it — Warren Buffet is going to make billions upon billions because people are scared stiff. Buffet is going back to the basic, basic principle that we’ve heard over, and over and over:

Buy Low.
Sell High.

Settling for anything less will destroy your finances, weaken the economy and help nothing. Don’t abandon your mind during financial hard times. Instead, focus on expanding.

So buy Stocks. They’re cheap. Don’t let fear control your finances.